Some people got it, and some people ain't

For Me there are two types of people. Those who  are a part of TTWD, and those who aren't. The two sets of course have subsets. Dominants, submissives, vanillas, clueless ( these are those people who have absolutely no freaking clue about TTWD except what they see on CSI about the serial killer who is into kinks) and of course each of those subsets have subsets. For today we are going to concentrate on the subsets of those who are dominant, and those who AREN'T. You will understand why I capitalized that in a moment. When I say those who aren't I am not including those who could be, or maybe have  some dominant hidden away in them, and of course  this doesn't involve submissive people.  This is about the partners of oh so many submissives out there who just do not have a Dominant bone in their body. Whether it is they dont get it, they don't want it, or they just don't care about it. No matter what you do or say they are never going to  be Dominant.

But wait you say. Some people can change and become Dominant. No. We aren't discussing those people. See those people somewhere inside them have a little bit of Dominant just floating around waiting for the right time to burst forth. See now I was one of this kind of people. It was in Me, showing itself at times, but it took a subbie friend to shine the light of knowledge upon me and open my eyes to what I was. I also want to be clear that i am not putting down those who got passed over for the Dominance gene ( once again this is not including the wonderful submissives out there. Put away the pitchforks). It's just that I get so frustrated and want to pull My hair out every time I see a submissive partnered in whatever relationship with a non-Dominant and they are unhappy.. I absolutely hate to see the pain and anguish that so many go through in this kind of situation. They fanatically hold out hope that  their love and desire for it will miraculously bring about change in their partner.

It's... not... gonna... happen! People do not change because you want them to. They change because they want to. And if it just isn't part of their makeup they aren't going to want to change  to be what you want them to be. They may try it out every so often when you mention it/beg them/scream at them/ throw random household objects at them ( your choice). but  after a few days or weeks they are right back into the same old behaviour. its comfortable for them. Its what is right for them, and no matter how many times you pull them kicking and screaming out of that comfort zone they are going to eventually go right back into it.

Don't get me wrong. i am not trying ot be mean here. I want people to be happy. Unfortunately 99 times out of 100  one or both people in these kind of relationships are not happy. There is that rare case where they are able to bring in a third party, but usually jealousy puts a fast end to that discussion.  The unhappiness can range from mild annoyance , to frustration, to being downright miserable. Oh and for those who say i'm not miserable. Yeah. I have news for you. If you spend some nights curled up in a ball crying your eyes out, and other nights with both of you screaming and at each others throats.. you are miserable. For the past ten years I have seen it over and over again.

Now am I saying that  if you ask your partner once to spank you and they  don't really seem into it that you should start tossing clothes into the designer luggage? Hell no! However you need to be truthful with yourself. When your heart tells you things are not going to change and things are not going to work out you have to listen. That is not giving up. Its not failure. Its reality and being truthful. There is nothing wrong, no matter how many years you have been together, with saying "We just aren't right for each other". There is no shame in that. I am all for going not only the extra mile, but the extra thousand miles to try to make a relationship work.  Yet sometimes no matter how badly you want it the reality of it is  that two people are not always meant to be together. I was married for 17 years. I know all about long term. In the end I had to just to end it, because she and I were just not right for each other. Did it hurt? Gods yes. Do I regret it? Not for a minute. She is now happy, and I am now well on My way to being happy.

There's a tshirt, or bumpersticker, or somesuch that says "I'm not looking for Mr. Right. I;m looking for Mr. Right Now. Well sometimes after one, or five, or ten, or even thirty years Mr./Mrs. Right can turn out to be Right for then, but not Right for now. It can take a lot of strength to stay in a relationship when its going badly, but failing to leave a relationship that just should not be is allowing weakness to keep not only you  but also your partner from truly being happy. You have a choice to make. Do you remain unhappy, or do you give both of you the chance to find someone who matches the wants and needs you have for a perfect relationship and to be happy?