Tuesday, June 28, 2011


wren and I met a couple in game that are into the lifestyle. W/we exchanged fetlife profiles. The young lady from the other couple had several photos up of her  tied up. wren and I discussed about ropeplay and W/we are both very interested in it. I had a few ideas for things to try, even tho W/we are so far apart.  Today I received a text from wren asking if she could call me after her class because she had an idea.  I let her know that I would call her at home. When I called she asked if I wanted to see pictures of her tied up, or if our talk about ropeplay was just me expressing an interest in it. My jaw dropped.  My little wren who was so worried I would not like how she looked  a month ago, who until a week ago had not sent me a picture that I hadn't told her to take was now offering me pictures of herself tied up. wren explained that she had  a couple friends that are into ropeplay, and she could ask them to do some rope bondage on her and take pictures for me.


I am ecstatic. Grinning from ear to ear since we talked. This is a huge step for My wren in overcoming that ghost that haunts her. I have worked hard to  help her see herself as I see her, and  its paying off.  I am so immensely fucking proud of her right now!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Without thinking

    When wren and I first started our little journey together one of the things I required of her was to ask permission before being away from the computer while we were in game together.  If she needed to afk, switch computers, go lay down, do chores for a bit, whatever it might be she was to ask first. It wasn't easy for her to remember at first. There were exceptions of course.  If I didn't respond in a certain amount of time, if it was something that couldn't wait, or an emergency. It even led to her first time being disciplined. We were moving from one area to another in game. She said be right back and poof she was offline. Leaving me standing in an area I would rather have gotten past. Didn't know what was going on, or how long she would be gone. she had just gone to swap computers, but when she returned we had a talk about it, and she was informed that  not doing as she was told would have consequences.

     The next day I let wren know that she was going to be disciplined  for what had occurred the night before. From previous play I knew her breasts are very tender. wren had managed to keep clothespins on the actual breast, not nipple or areola, for only one minute. That was the limit of what she could take. As a way to give her something that would help her remember to ask before disappearing I had her put a single clothespin onto the bottom curve of each breast, straight down from the nipple. I told her to leave them on for exactly one minute. I could have said longer, but this wasn't a punishment. I just wanted something that would help her to remember. After that night she hasn't forgotten a single time.

    Last night wren ate something that just did not agree with her. she had a pretty bad tummy ache. she asked me if we could forego the having to ask permission before going away from the computer for the night. I told her yes.  Throughout the night though whenever she needed to get up from the computer she would always ask permission first. Several times i reminded her that  it had been decided that she didn't need to ask tonight. Yet every time she needed to get up she asked.  she had gotten to the point where she couldn't not ask. It was done without thinking. she was very proud of herself when she realized this, and so was I.

     One of the first things I had given wren as a general rule was she was to refer to herself in the third person when she and I talked. she was to refer to herself as wren. Not I or me. it was tough for her to remember, and she really worked hard at it. It bothered her when she forgot, because she wanted to please me so badly. One day  when talking with other people in game she referred to herself as wren. I can't remember  the exact words, but something along the line of "wren would like, or wren thinks... I waited a minute to see if she noticed what she had done and when she didn't I pointed it out to her. It was a huge weight off her shoulders, because she could see that even though it was tough to remember to refer to herself as wren at times  she was starting to do it without even thinking.  She was a very happy little wren that night.


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Made me smile

My wren made Me smile today.  Well she makes Me smile everyday, but this was one of those special moments.  When she got home from her class I knew she needed a little relaxation. I instructed her to strip down to her panties ( panties stay on during that time of the month) and dance absolutely carefree for 10 minutes. Now I thought that was an easy instruction. Well I failed to take in the submissive factor.  I immediately got a text back from wren asking if it was ok if she listened to music while she danced. Now I had expected  that she would just want to listen to music when she danced, but I didn't specifically say music was ok the first time.  The thought of My pretty little wren dancing around the room with no music just made me smile. Well I did give her permission for music.

Afterward I asked her if she was more relaxed and she said yes. I have instructed her to dance the same way every day( minus the panties when her monthly visitor is gone) after class to relax her. math isnt a very easy subject for her, but she has to have this class to move on to her degree work. It will make a good way to relieve some of her stress from class.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

The next step

My wren received her training collar and cuffs on Thursday. I ordered them from The Collar Factory and am very pleased with how  they look on her. She knew they were coming and had been waiting anxiously. Her class on Thursday was cancelled and she told Me she would be camping out the mailbox all day. In My mind I pictured her perched atop the mailbox like a vulture waiting for the poor unsuspecting mailman to come by. She texted Me when the package arrived as she had been instructed to do. I called her and could tell she was  dying to open the package.

Now here is where My inner sadist kicked in. I  teasingly suggested that it might be better if I had her wait till later that night to open  the box.  I could tell by the groan that came over the phone  that making her wait  would probably not be the best thing.  I told her to open it, and it got very quiet on the phone. Now if you read the post  before this one about super powers of a Dom...yeah I could hear her smiling.  I have explained ot her that this is a training collar, not a permanent collar.  I could hear the change in her voice when I told her that. I quickly explained to her that even though this collar wasn't a permanent on e that it didn't mean  she wouldn't be getting a permanent collar. I told her that  once W/we are sure that this is the right thing for both of U/us that  I would be getting her  a collar for her to wear always that would signify the lasting bond between us.

For anyone who is interested wren has started her own blog at http://littlwren23.blogspot.com. she will be posting three times a week. More if she wishes. I know she will appreciate having responses to any posts she makes.


Saturday, June 4, 2011

Faster than a speeding bullet...

I told my wren tonight that Doms have super powers.  She giggled, which is the same reaction I got  from a subbie friend of mine. I told her I can prove it. She giggled again. God I love it when a woman giggles. So I went over how we are somewhere between 1500 and 2000 miles apart. Then I told her " I can hear you smile". She got quiet. next I told her " I can hear you blush. From 2000 miles away I can hear you smile and I can hear you blush." She was totally quiet now. I told her that most people can't do that standing right next to you, but a Dom can hear his subbie smile and blush from thousands of miles away.

Don't believe me subbies? Ask your Dom about it. Ask them if they can hear you smile, and hear you blush. Ask them if they can hear your knees go weak when they talk to you. Ask them if they can hear your pussy getting wet from thousands of miles away. Wren didn't believe it either when I first told her. She does now though.


Monday, May 30, 2011

Not really sure how to title this

It's 6:30 in the morning. I haven't slept. There is just too much going on in my head right now. This has been a hard night for me. My wren cried tonight. I feel like I have failed somewhere. I've missed something. I've let her down.

She and I play Rift. An online game. It's where we met. It's where a lot of our time together is spent. We text a lot during the day and i make sure to call her at least once a day, but Rift is our hanging out time while we are apart. I logged into the game tonight to make sure she was around, and then I called her. I told her I had a question to ask her and I wanted her to  answer honestly. I wanted to make sure she gave me her answer and not the answer she thought I might want to hear. I told her I would be  placing the order for her training collar, and cuffs the next day, and I asked her if she was absolutely sure this is what she wanted. Us.  Me as her Dom, she as My sub, and everything  that comes along with that commitment. She said she was pretty sure. I responded "pretty sure?". She quickly  told me that " No, she was absolutely sure it was what she wanted. I could tell in her voice how excited she was.

We got off the phone after a little bit and went back to  the game.  I took care of  the daily things I do in game. She was busy leveling  an alt in a group with one of our guildies.  Her college classes start back up  on  Tuesday so we discussed an earlier bedtime for her so she wouldnt be dead tired getting up at 6am ( yes she is a lot younger than I am).  ten Pm her time which would be midnight my time We roleplayed with some people we know in game for awhile before she went to bed. Everything was ok at that point I thought.

I went back to the game to finish some things.  One-thirty  my cellphone buzzes from a text message. I look and its wren asking me if I got the picture. Now my first reaction was why the hell is she still up. my second thought was what picture and why had she sent me a picture. I had not asked her for one (wren is bigtime camera shy). I had not heard my cellphone go off before that, but she had sent me a picture.  I hit download ( had to try it several times before it started to download. Fuck you Verizon.). Picture loaded. It was of her fully clothed. Taken in the bathroom mirror with her phone.  The caption  hit me hard. It read " wren decided that sir should have a real look at wren before he placed the order".

Now my wren is heavy. Hell I am heavy, and I have seen pictures of her before. I knew she was heavy. I sent her back a text asking her what about her did she think I wouldn't like. But a text wasn't right. This wasn't something for texts. So I called her. I could hear it in her voice. She was terrified.  I could tell she had been crying.  We talked. She  thought that if I saw she was heavy I wouldn't want her.  She was truly afraid  that once I saw that picture that I would just walk away. The fact that I didn't realize she had sent a picture so hadn't responded for nearly twenty minutes only made it worse.  I reassured her that  I still wanted her. I still thought she was beautiful, and I had every intention of placing the order still.  I did everything I could to put her mind at ease and sent her off to bed.

At first I was upset. After all the times i have told her I wanted her.  All the times I told her she was beautiful and wonderful.  That she would think I was so shallow as to not want her because she was heavy. The thoughts bounced around in my head like pissed off bees in a jar. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had failed her. When I met her wren didn't feel wanted. She didn't feel worth of being  needed. When she was little  her father was... distant. She didn't feel wanted  I had promised her I would make sure that she never felt that way again. I promised her that I would always want her no matter what happened between us. I swore to her I would  never let her feel unwanted... unworthy...unloved ever again.  I don't know what I didn't do. I  missed something. I'm sitting here wracking my brain trying to figure out what.  I don't know what else I could have done, but it doesn't change things. I failed her.  I failed her and she cried.

And now I am crying because I feel like shit. I'm her Dom. I'm supposed to protect her, and watch over her. I am supposed to  make sure she knows... absolutely knows... that she has worth.  That she is wanted and needed.  I promised her I would, and I didn't keep my promise.

I failed her.

Monday, May 23, 2011

An honor received

I received what I consider to be a very rare honor. I have been chosen by a submissive to be her Dom. It is  a strange set of circumstances that brought it about. Which I wont delve into without making sure she is ok with it first. It will be long distance for now, and that will present quite a challenge to maintaining control and keeping things exciting I am sure. However I do love a challenge and accept this one happily.. W/we have known each other for a bit over a month and while things are still in the developing and training stages I am confident things will go well. I have a lot to teach, and she is a very willing student.

I tasked her recently with spending a day or two to come up with three names that she felt good about from which I would choose  what My special name for her would be.  From her list I chose wren. When I asked her why she had chosen wren she responded that a wren was kind of plain, not flashy or colorful. Not anything special to look at.  I knew this was how she saw herself ( yes My wren has doubts about herself, but W/we are working on them). When I told her My choice I explained to her that I chose it because while yes a wren isn't colorful or flashy like a peacock might be, it still has a beauty all its own. Even though a wren is a tiny little bird it can fly and soar just like an eagle can.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Some people got it, and some people ain't

For Me there are two types of people. Those who  are a part of TTWD, and those who aren't. The two sets of course have subsets. Dominants, submissives, vanillas, clueless ( these are those people who have absolutely no freaking clue about TTWD except what they see on CSI about the serial killer who is into kinks) and of course each of those subsets have subsets. For today we are going to concentrate on the subsets of those who are dominant, and those who AREN'T. You will understand why I capitalized that in a moment. When I say those who aren't I am not including those who could be, or maybe have  some dominant hidden away in them, and of course  this doesn't involve submissive people.  This is about the partners of oh so many submissives out there who just do not have a Dominant bone in their body. Whether it is they dont get it, they don't want it, or they just don't care about it. No matter what you do or say they are never going to  be Dominant.

But wait you say. Some people can change and become Dominant. No. We aren't discussing those people. See those people somewhere inside them have a little bit of Dominant just floating around waiting for the right time to burst forth. See now I was one of this kind of people. It was in Me, showing itself at times, but it took a subbie friend to shine the light of knowledge upon me and open my eyes to what I was. I also want to be clear that i am not putting down those who got passed over for the Dominance gene ( once again this is not including the wonderful submissives out there. Put away the pitchforks). It's just that I get so frustrated and want to pull My hair out every time I see a submissive partnered in whatever relationship with a non-Dominant and they are unhappy.. I absolutely hate to see the pain and anguish that so many go through in this kind of situation. They fanatically hold out hope that  their love and desire for it will miraculously bring about change in their partner.

It's... not... gonna... happen! People do not change because you want them to. They change because they want to. And if it just isn't part of their makeup they aren't going to want to change  to be what you want them to be. They may try it out every so often when you mention it/beg them/scream at them/ throw random household objects at them ( your choice). but  after a few days or weeks they are right back into the same old behaviour. its comfortable for them. Its what is right for them, and no matter how many times you pull them kicking and screaming out of that comfort zone they are going to eventually go right back into it.

Don't get me wrong. i am not trying ot be mean here. I want people to be happy. Unfortunately 99 times out of 100  one or both people in these kind of relationships are not happy. There is that rare case where they are able to bring in a third party, but usually jealousy puts a fast end to that discussion.  The unhappiness can range from mild annoyance , to frustration, to being downright miserable. Oh and for those who say i'm not miserable. Yeah. I have news for you. If you spend some nights curled up in a ball crying your eyes out, and other nights with both of you screaming and at each others throats.. you are miserable. For the past ten years I have seen it over and over again.

Now am I saying that  if you ask your partner once to spank you and they  don't really seem into it that you should start tossing clothes into the designer luggage? Hell no! However you need to be truthful with yourself. When your heart tells you things are not going to change and things are not going to work out you have to listen. That is not giving up. Its not failure. Its reality and being truthful. There is nothing wrong, no matter how many years you have been together, with saying "We just aren't right for each other". There is no shame in that. I am all for going not only the extra mile, but the extra thousand miles to try to make a relationship work.  Yet sometimes no matter how badly you want it the reality of it is  that two people are not always meant to be together. I was married for 17 years. I know all about long term. In the end I had to just to end it, because she and I were just not right for each other. Did it hurt? Gods yes. Do I regret it? Not for a minute. She is now happy, and I am now well on My way to being happy.

There's a tshirt, or bumpersticker, or somesuch that says "I'm not looking for Mr. Right. I;m looking for Mr. Right Now. Well sometimes after one, or five, or ten, or even thirty years Mr./Mrs. Right can turn out to be Right for then, but not Right for now. It can take a lot of strength to stay in a relationship when its going badly, but failing to leave a relationship that just should not be is allowing weakness to keep not only you  but also your partner from truly being happy. You have a choice to make. Do you remain unhappy, or do you give both of you the chance to find someone who matches the wants and needs you have for a perfect relationship and to be happy?

Sunday, May 1, 2011

The little things

Its the little things that count as the saying goes. It's true in everyday life, but even more so in a D's relationship. Since a D/s relationship is going to have everything a vanilla relationship will have, and the extras of  TTWD ( I can't remember whose blog it was I first saw that one, but I do hope they don't mind me using it) the little things can grow to become biggr things even faster. They can also mean much more than what it would first seem.

Seeing a couple walking and his finger is hooked through her back belt loop on her jeans. In vanilla it would just be seen as a cute loving gesture. In D/s it goes beyond that to  include a measure of control. The Dom making a public gesture of control that isn't overt to anyone who doesn't realize its significance.One D's couple that whenever they walked in public instead of holding hands He would hold her wrist. A little thing, but so much meaning to it. A couple at a party. She looks everyone else in the eye when she talks to them, but when she talks to Him her eyes are always downturned. A vanilla wouldn't give it a second thought yet to someone who knows it speaks volumes. to go even deeper into that example when she smiles it isn't the nervous smile of fear that one might see if she couldn't meet his eyes because of abuse. It's the happy smile of being content in being claimed. A tiny subtle difference, but one I feel that  a person with a D/s background would easily recognize where  someone outside the lifestyle wouldn't. I often think that Doms/Dommes would make amazing profilers because We need to be attuned to the little things. The tiny changes in Our subs that speak volumes to us.

What got me thinking on this  was a talk I had with a friend last night. she seemed out of sorts. Different than normal. When I asked her about it she revealed that her Domme was out of town for a month due to a family emergency and she was feeling unfocused.  We talked for awhile. she asked if feeling that way was normal for a sub. she hadn't had to ever face a long parting from her Other. she said she didn't know any subs in real life to ask. I told her that yes, it was normal. Just that little affirmation of yes she was normal and not being silly seemed to take a huge weight off her shoulders.

In thinking over the conversation I had with her later in the night I thought about the little things that can make such a huge difference.  As will often happen a slightly random, but still relevant thought will pop into my head, and that is what lead me to " May I". Two little, tiny words that have such a huge and deep meaning. A vanilla wouldn't think much of them, but in TTWD they are so powerful. An almost absolute transfer of power. Giving over one's ability to choose to another. The trust in that person to not only make decisions, but to make  the right decisions. Two little words that can shape a life. That can define a person. That can establish a relationship.  Two little words that can change your life.

It's the little things that matter

Saturday, April 30, 2011



adj \ˌrü-bə-ˈnesk\

Definition of RUBENESQUE

: of, relating to, or suggestive of the painter Rubens or his works; especially : plump or rounded usually in a pleasing or attractive way <a Rubenesque figure>
I love Rubenesque women. That doesn't mean I don't like skinny women. Skinnier women can be beautiful too, but for Me there is something about a large breasted, curvy hipped woman, with a little bit of a tummy that drives Me wild. Society's preoccupation with 5 foot 10, ninety-five pound women just confuses me.  Christina Hendricks, Gianna Michaels, Emme, Christine Alt, Sara Stone, Mariah Carey. All beautiful, healthy women that don't fit into society's little box for what is supposedly the way a woman should look. 
I want a woman to have breasts that sway in My face when she is on top.  Hips that I can grab onto when I fuck her hard. An ass that makes a wonderful loud  smack sound when my hand hits it. I have found that a bony butt usually means a sore hand. I want a woman that looks like woman. Not a 12 year old boy. 
When did society lose its mind in deciding that only skinny is beautiful? Jessica Simpson gains a few pounds and its  the cover story on  a dozen magazines, and the lead item on half a dozen tv shows. Kirstie Alley wears a bikini on Oprah and its a major media event. To Me  there is nothing as erotic and desirable as a  rubenesque woman who is confident in how she looks and comfortable with her body.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Power. It's what turns Me on. Not abusive power, but the power to be in control of a situation.  The power to cause reactions in another person.Sounds scary I am sure, but let Me elaborate.

Reactions.  Sighs, moans, shudders, whimpers, joy, orgasm, fear, anger, jealousy,  pain, pleasure, and all the other reactions that a person can have to whatever is going on around them, or happen to them fascinate Me. I would never go out and purposefully scare someone that I didn't know, or hit some stranger to cause true pain.Still seeing someone react peaks My interest. This is especially true of whomever I might be with  in a relationship , or play wise.

Knowing that I have the power and the control over them to cause the myriad of reactions they can undergo is very erotic to Me. The fear in a subs eyes when they see I take out the paddle or the cane. Yes they might love the pain they know is coming. Even crave it. Yet there is still that little bit of fear and uncertainty. The soft sighs and the goosebumps when I kiss the inside of her elbow, or the back of her knee. The moans, screams, and quivering when she orgasms from My tongue. The power to co cause those reactions in her. the power to control when she has those reactions. The power to control how strong those reactions will be through My manipulations. Even anger and jealousy. Now not swinging your fists anger, or smashing your car windshield jealousy. I mean the anger I hear in her voice when I have brought her to the edge of release a half dozen times and again not allowed her to orgasm. The cussing and swearing. The begging and pleading. Hearing the anger in her voice. Hearing the need, the desire, the craving. The feeling that  I get from causing these kinds of reactions is exhilarating. Causing an intense, body shaking, sheet clenching, wake the neighbors orgasm in the one I am with at times can be intensely more pleasurable than my own reaching release.

Jealousy is a special reaction. I don't particularly like causing the reaction of jealousy, but I do find the emotion itself fascinating.  I played with a young lady awhile ago that had her little green monster. When she first experienced it in regards to me I think she was surprised by it. W/we  weren't in a relationship. Just playing a bit at that point, but the attentions I showed to another young lady ( and the flirtation toward me of the other young lady) brought out her little green monster. I found her reaction to her own reaction to be as fascinating as the jealousy itself. She worked through it and came to a better understanding of it,  but it was still there.

Because of this My likes and dislikes run the spectrum. I am a sadist yes, but I also like the non pain. Rough, smooth, hard, soft, loud, quiet, hot, cold, fast, slow. If I am to cause and control the reactions that I desire, and through this bring about the reactions in Myself that I crave, I must use  all of these and more.

Monday, April 25, 2011

A little tidbit

I was given  some amazing compliments over the weekend . A friend told me I was her hero. The second was  a young lady I cyber with informed me that I was better than porn *chuckles*


Sunday, April 24, 2011

The power of words

 I realize in My posts that for much of the time I will have the Dom being a male role and the submissive being female. I mean no disrespect to any who have  differing genders for those roles. I simply do so as that is how the thoughts in my head are constructed. Since this is my first post I figured I would tack on this disclaimer.

I was looking over this post here A Kind Dom , and after I had replied to it I wandered the house for awhile thinking. My mother had once told Me a story about My grandfather. She said he had never spanked any of his children. She told me that if she manifested inappropriate behaviour all he had to do was utter one phrase and it would bring her to tears.

"I'm disappointed in you"

In My reply to the post I had read I spoke of  a punishment inflicted on a subbie by her Dom. Not physical punishment , but just as strong and effective. I pondered what effect those four words could have. Now I also thought about the phrase "you have displeased Me". I compared the two. I could see the strength in the second phrase. I could see it being used by a Dom when His subbie didn't get her chores done, or didn't perform a task exactly as instructed. A way of saying you have been a bad girl.

Then I went back to the first phrase. I repeated it several times in My head. Next I repeated it out loud several times. Now when I said "I am displeased with you" I could say it calmly with an even tone. When I said "I'm disappointed in you" I could hear  My voice change. I could hear the sadness in My voice. I had no intention of adding that kind of emotion to the words. It just flowed.  Where I could see the strength of the words in " I am displeased with you" I could feel the power of "I am disappointed in you" to My core.

This led Me to wonder what effect would those words have on a subbie. Hearing those words from her Dom as she knelt at His feet. Hearing that utter sadness in His voice. I have not had a lot of experience with subs, but the few I have spent time with all had a desire to do everything they could to please and not let their Dom down.To strive to live up to the expectations of their Dom. I recently had a friend who takes medication for being Bi-polar go into a deep depressive mood swing because she ran out of her medicine and failed to get the prescription refilled. I stayed on the phone with her. Talked her through getting dressed and going to the pharmacy. I spoke to the pharmacist when she needed Me to.  She isn't overly submissive, but at that moment i could tell she needed to be Dom'ed. I took charge of the situation and resolved it. The next day she texted me to let me know about the price of her prescription at a different pharmacy. A task I had given her. I told her she did good. Now I told you that story to tell you this part. Her response to being told she had done well was to reply " I don't want to let you down".

My question to any subs who might read this is what impact would hearing those words, or what impact did hearing those words have on you if/when your Dom said them. How would you feel, or how have you felt.  For any Dom's that might read this, and have ever uttered those words how did Your sub react.

For both sides do Y/you feel that those 4 words "I'm disappointed in you" carry more weight when they are spoken than any of the other phrases Y/you have spoken , or heard? What emotional impact do Y/you think they carry with them? I have My own opinions, but would welcome hearing the opinions of others

One note. I  in My pondering of phrases did not include "I'm not proud of you." Personally I could never see Myself not being proud of the person I have chosen to claim as My own. so those words I pushed to the wayside and did not include  for this post.