The little things

Its the little things that count as the saying goes. It's true in everyday life, but even more so in a D's relationship. Since a D/s relationship is going to have everything a vanilla relationship will have, and the extras of  TTWD ( I can't remember whose blog it was I first saw that one, but I do hope they don't mind me using it) the little things can grow to become biggr things even faster. They can also mean much more than what it would first seem.

Seeing a couple walking and his finger is hooked through her back belt loop on her jeans. In vanilla it would just be seen as a cute loving gesture. In D/s it goes beyond that to  include a measure of control. The Dom making a public gesture of control that isn't overt to anyone who doesn't realize its significance.One D's couple that whenever they walked in public instead of holding hands He would hold her wrist. A little thing, but so much meaning to it. A couple at a party. She looks everyone else in the eye when she talks to them, but when she talks to Him her eyes are always downturned. A vanilla wouldn't give it a second thought yet to someone who knows it speaks volumes. to go even deeper into that example when she smiles it isn't the nervous smile of fear that one might see if she couldn't meet his eyes because of abuse. It's the happy smile of being content in being claimed. A tiny subtle difference, but one I feel that  a person with a D/s background would easily recognize where  someone outside the lifestyle wouldn't. I often think that Doms/Dommes would make amazing profilers because We need to be attuned to the little things. The tiny changes in Our subs that speak volumes to us.

What got me thinking on this  was a talk I had with a friend last night. she seemed out of sorts. Different than normal. When I asked her about it she revealed that her Domme was out of town for a month due to a family emergency and she was feeling unfocused.  We talked for awhile. she asked if feeling that way was normal for a sub. she hadn't had to ever face a long parting from her Other. she said she didn't know any subs in real life to ask. I told her that yes, it was normal. Just that little affirmation of yes she was normal and not being silly seemed to take a huge weight off her shoulders.

In thinking over the conversation I had with her later in the night I thought about the little things that can make such a huge difference.  As will often happen a slightly random, but still relevant thought will pop into my head, and that is what lead me to " May I". Two little, tiny words that have such a huge and deep meaning. A vanilla wouldn't think much of them, but in TTWD they are so powerful. An almost absolute transfer of power. Giving over one's ability to choose to another. The trust in that person to not only make decisions, but to make  the right decisions. Two little words that can shape a life. That can define a person. That can establish a relationship.  Two little words that can change your life.

It's the little things that matter